One of the keys to living the life we want to live is learning to master our emotions. The goal isn’t to minimize or repress them, that’s a dangerous path that leads to suffering. What we should aim to do is understand them so we can benefit from their positive effects and mitigate their harmful effects.
Today I want to explore Anger.
The good and the bad
Anger is a threat response that initiates when we perceive danger or the risk of potential harm. It comes with a cascade of physiological and psychological responses that are meant to prepare us to run, fight, or hide. It is a fundamental survival response.
Anger has some benefits and some drawbacks.
For starters, anger sets us up for self protection and self preservation in the face of danger, it can let us know when someone has crossed a boundary that we need to reinforce, it can help us express ourselves more honestly, and it can be a strong source of motivation for change.
On the other hand anger can result in impulsive behavior and aggression, it can cause harm to our relationships, and it increases our stress load which can result in physical and mental health challenges. It also impacts “how” we think by increasing the speed and impact of our biases leading to catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, and black-and-white thinking.
If we want the benefits of anger we have to learn to manage it effectively.
Anger Management
Managing anger is important because it allows us to disrupt or prevent the negative outcomes associated with impulsive or misjudged actions and behaviors.
Before we can do anything about the anger we first have to identify when we are feeling it. That requires mindfulness, or an intentional awareness of what we are thinking, feeling, and doing in the present moment.
Mindfulness is a skill that can be trained and practiced, but it takes time and dedication to master. You can start with a writing exercise that brings you into the present moment. Take a piece of paper and write for 3 minutes (non-stop) using this prompt: What Am I doing, what am I thinking, what am I feeling.
So now we know we are angry… that’s half the battle right… Now we have to do something about it.
The first thing we can do is regulate our body to take some of the edge off the torrent of hormones that floods our systems when we are angry.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy has some of the best tools for this. It’s called the TIPP Skill
Temperature – Splashing cold water on your face or an ice pack on the back of the neck can stimulate the vagus nerve and activate your “rest and digest” mode called the parasympathetic nervous system.
Intense Exercise – “DROP AND GIVE ME 20!” Turns out those drill instructors knew a thing or two. An intense burst of activity can reduce the arousal associated with the fight or flight response.
Paced Breathing – Breathwork can slow the mind and body down allowing the parasympathetic nervous system to regain some influence and calm us down.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation – Anger often comes with the physical tightening of muscles causing tension in our bodies. Squeezing and releasing our muscles in small groups eases us the tension out allowing us to relax.
Once we have some space we can examine the thoughts that have been fueling our anger. The challenge here is to hold up your thoughts to the lens of critical thinking and examine them for problems. If you see problematic thinking like catastrophizing, jumping to conclusions, mind reading, or black-and-white thinking you can take the time to dispute them and reframe them to something more helpful.
A final trick we can use is Opposite Action. If we see our anger driving us to behave in a way that can be harmful or get in the way of the life we want to live… we can try doing the opposite. For example, if you want to scream and shout, try to speak with a slow and calm voice. Remember emotions can drive behaviors and behaviors can also steer emotions.
Final Thoughts
I hope this exploration of anger and some of the tools for managing this useful and potentially challenging emotion can help you live the life you want to live. Remember to start with mindfulness, then regulate your body, and finally examine and dispute the thoughts that are feeding the anger. If these tools don’t fit or you need some other ideas there is a whole list of possibilities to try. I would suggest looking into Cognitive Behavior and Dialectical Behavior Therapy tools for anger management to learn more.
Thanks For Reading
If you found this helpful, you can read all of my Daily Reflections at www.tacticstotalwellness.com/blog
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