I remember feeling pulled to the military at a young age. I’m not sure to what extent this is common, but my intuition tells me that it might be fairly rare based on the tiny fraction of the population that serves in the military. There are likely some significant factors at play when I think back on it.
The Military is a Family Business
My Grandfather, John Rudolph Nelson, served in the Minnesota National Guard during World War II. By the time I was conscious enough to start developing memories he was already living in a Department of Veteran Affairs assisted Living Facility in Minnesota and I met him for the first time sitting next to my father at his funeral when I was 12. No one really talked about him, but we had his helmet and a service yearbook of his unit’s training year. I knew growing up, that he had been a tank mechanic and work with the Sherman tank. That tank was idealized in many World War II movies and documentaries on the Discovery Channel and having that helmet drove my imagination about how this unknown figure in my life might have been.
Two of my fathers brothers served during Vietnam. My uncle Maynard was a Coast Guardsman who deployed to Vietnam and patrolled and secured the ports and waterways. I also never had the chance to meet him and the family story centered on his post war drug addiction and eventual suicide around the time I was born. Uncle Bill was an aircraft mechanic in the US Air Force and I was fortunate enough to meet him on multiple occasions (the first of which was my grandfather’s funeral). I remember hearing a few stories about him and the air planes he worked on and became fascinated.
One of my fathers best friends Emil also served in Vietnam as an aircraft crew chief and eventually came back to Northern California were he worked as an engine mechanic on the famous and secretive SR-71 Blackbird. He told just enough stories to spin up my overactive imagination and really had me thinking about the adventures I could have if I was off in the service.
There Was Something in the Air
My home town was about 30 minutes north of Beale Air Force Base which was pretty amazing for someone that had an emerging fascination with aircraft. In the 80’s and 90’s Beale was home of the SR-71 and I was lucky enough to see it fly over our house on more than one occasion.
Beale was also home to the U-2 Dragon Lady which is a high altitude reconnaissance aircraft that has a storied history and still flys today.
When I was a cub scout our little pack attended a weekend camping trip hosted at Beale and I had my first up close and personal experience with both the SR-71 and the U-2. We got to walk around these massive jets, listened to the pilots talk about the space suits they wore in order to survive at the altitudes and speeds they traveled. I was hooked.
Playing War
In today’s world of brightly colored nerf guns and fears of firearms me and my neighborhood friends would likely have the cops called us. Our game of choice was playing war, and that meant scrounging up any piece of web gear or army surplus store uniform items to dress the part and then grabbing one of the almost too realistic “toy guns” we had in our arsenals and heading into “combat.”
We would spend hours stalking each other through the woods. Setting up ambushes. Trying to out maneuver and flank the “enemy.” All in an effort to be the first ones to rattle off the simulated gunfire from our plastic noisemakers and then shout “I got you first” at each other until the round ends and we start all over again.
As I got older the game grew with me. Instead of toy guns we switched to BB guns for a while before some adults found out and helped us switch to paintballs (a much safer option).
I was also in the boyscouts, which would never admit to being a paramilitary organization… But for me it was. I learned structure and discipline along with some handy bushcraft and real firearms skills. I also had the chance to be on a high adventure team for a summer in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.
There was also Dungeons & Dragons and other tabletop wargames like Warhammer and Battletech that fielded my imagination about warfare and taught me my first lessons about strategy, operational planning and tactics.
The blessing of reflection and hindsight has also let me understand the importance of my high school theater experience. In 1995, the movie Braveheart was released and all of us became culturally fascinated with the Wars of Scottish Independence. That year we performed Macbeth and as you can imagine the whole thing had a Braveheart “vibe” to it.
An Emerging War
My fascination with the military was all but set in stone by two events that were beamed directly into my house through the TV via the evening news. The first was the US invasion of Panama followed by the US Invasion of Iraq.
For an 11 year old boy… this was the stuff of legend. I remember sneaking out of my room to stair at the TV as my parents watched the stories pouring in about US military build ups, and threats of attack and counter attack.
I was fascinated by the news footage of the skies over Iraq being lit up by tracer fire and the sweeping shots of armor columns surrounding and moving into Baghdad. It wasn’t until decades later that I stopped to think about the “No Blood for Oil” signs that popped up in the yards around town. This was a war to counter the aggressive and hostile actions of an evil dictator. All the World War 2 and Vietnam documentaries had helped me make up my mind that if the US military was called into action it must be on the side of justice.
Teetering on the Edge
After highschool I took a very brief run at trying to go to college that resulted in a couple of F’s and a two D’s on a college transcript that will never see the light of day again. Obviously college was not the right move for me and I found myself cast adrift in the world for the first time. I spent some time squatting in our old family home that my parents used as a rental property that did not currently have tenants and couch surfing with friends.
I was a mix of carefree and careless, but I knew this was not a long term solution. I needed something other than my job as a nighttime security guard at a casino walking through parking lots and a smoky trailer full of slot machines. I knew my parents wouldn’t put up with me crashing in their rental property rent free much longer, and I wasn’t making enough money to actually live on.
One day I randomly walked into a military recruiting center… and that’s where the story really begins.
Thank you for reading
Emerging from Shadow is a series I am writing to help me understand my personal journey from the world of Military Counterintelligence, Counter-Terrorism, and Law Enforcement to my new life as a therapist, coach, and teacher. You can read more of the story along with my other writings on my blog at www.tacticstotalwellness.com/blog
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