Today I have been thinking a lot about influence. It is both a blessing and a curse to be susceptible to influence. On one hand we can learn and grow from positive and helpful influences and on the other we can be tormented and manipulated by coercive and maligned influences.
We need positive influences in order to flourish and live the life we want to live while at the same time we need to protect ourselves from being taken advantage of or tricked into living the life someone else wants us to live.
I have some tips on how to increase our resilience to negative influence while sustaining our ability to be open to positive influence, but first I think it might be helpful to explore how influence works.
First, I want to point out that influence is not blunt force or overt coercion. It is a subtle process that interfaces with our thoughts and feelings to shape our behaviors.
Influencing thoughts involves presenting information in order to use cognitive biases and heuristics to control the way in which someone generates their perception of the world. These aren’t what we think, they are how we think, and they can be used to implant and shape ideas that drive behaviors. A few examples are repetitive exposure to information increasing the primacy of that information in our recall memory, framing something as positive or negative cues our initial thought processes, and appeals to authority can increase trust through referent power.
Emotions are also used to ignite and solidify our perceptions of the world. Strong emotions can override critical thinking and trigger or cue responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Fear and anxiety can make us act too quickly, guilt may generate a sense of reciprocity or obligation, and hope may inspire us to take action.
There really is a lot to potentially unpack and explore when it comes to how we think and how our emotions drive behavior. I plan to do much more writing and explorations of these topics in the future, but for now it is ok to just know these are the core systems used by others to influence us.
So what can we do about it?
Identify, develop, and live by your core values
Your core values are your internal compass. They can provide you with a good direction of travel that is inline with the life you want to live which enables you to hold your course steady when harmful influences try to pull you off track.
Cultivate the capability and capacity to think critically
Critical thinking is not necessarily an innate ability or skill. We have to intentionally explore by asking questions, examining how information was derived, and checking with additional sources to see if there is information that refutes what we are being shown.
Develop and use emotion regulation skills
Our emotions are like the gas pedal for our nervous system. They can accelerate us from 0 to 100mph in an instant. Fortunately, there are plenty of real techniques that we can deploy either as a throttle control, brake pedal, or even an emergency brake. My favorite is a breathing technique called the parasympathetic sigh.
Push and challenge your emotional limits
Believe it or not you can train yourself to handle challenging emotions by facing those emotions in a controlled manner of your choosing. Think of this like doing strength training for your emotional self-control muscles. A super trendy version of this is cold exposure and sauna. The principle at play here is that when we do hard things, hard things get easier.
Increase your intellectual depth through learning
The more you know the less susceptible you are to negative or harmful influence. It’s that simple. Think of this in the context of magic tricks. If you know how the trick is done you can see it for what it is instead of being deceived by it. Seek education, training, and learning opportunities. Never stop learning.
Use cognitive triangulation
This is just a fancy way of saying that getting other people involved in your life can help you spot harmful influences and mitigate its effects. These are our friends, family, and mentors. Remember that these are probably the most influential people in your life so choose them with care.
Learn to spot helpful vs. harmful influences
There are some key distinctions between helpful and harmful influences that can assist you with sorting through things quickly.
- Helpful influence – encourages autonomy, invites critical thinking, provides options, respects your individual value and perspective
- Harmful Influence – Tries to make you dependent, demands blind obedience, sets ultimatums, forces conformity
Take care of your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health
- If you are tired, you are easier to influence.
- If you are dependent on substances, you are easier to influence.
- If you are uninformed or misinformed, you are easier to influence.
- If you are easily emotionally dysregulated, you are easier to influence.
- If you have weak social connections, you are easier to influence.
- If you have no ethical or moral compass, you are easier to influence.
Thankfully, these are all things you can take some degree of ownership over and address any shortcomings or challenges through direct action. Get enough sleep, avoid harmful substances, read, face your strong emotions, connect with your friends and family, and define your values, ethics and morals.
Final thoughts
Hopefully, at the end of this article you are thinking back on what I have written and spotted some of my subtle plays at trying to influence you to take control over the influences in your life. Not all influence is malicious or harmful but there are people out in the world that have self serving and maybe even harmful intent in their efforts to influence you and others. It really is my hope that today’s reflection peaks your curiosity and sends you off on a little adventure of self discovery that can help you gain the positive effects of helpful influences while also protecting yourself from harmful attempts to influence and control your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Thanks For Reading
If you found this helpful, you can read all of my Daily Reflections at www.tacticstotalwellness.com/blog
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