Do you ever find yourself in a downward spiral of self-criticism and negative self-talk? I’ve had those days, so I know first hand how mean we can get when we talk about ourselves using our internal, relentless “inner voice.”
It’s hard to imagine those thoughts not having a deep impact on our lives. We can pull ourselves down faster than anyone else. And when we do, only disaster awaits.
I’m not talking about proper self-reflection. I am specifically thinking about those nasty things we say to ourselves when we think no one else is listening or will notice.
Things like:
You are the worst.
You will never…
You are… (stupid, ugly, incompetent, fat, lazy, a loser, a nerd, a lost cause…. Sheesh, see how easy it is to get on a roll)
Thankfully, I was having one of these moments back in 2018 and it leaked out in front of one of my best friends. He was brave enough to say right to my face… “don’t talk about my friend like that.”
That stopped me dead in my tracks. I wanted to quibble and argue with him. But that wouldn’t have worked, I knew at that moment that I was wrong for talking about myself the way I had been and that I had offended my friend in the process.
He reminded me that I would never talk about one of my friends the way I was talking about myself and that prompted a powerful set of mental reframes for me. I started to temper my negative self-talk with some kindness and compassion for myself.
I started to replace the black and white all or nothing negative self-talk with more hopeful, open, and supportive internal monologues.
Now I strive to tell myself:
It’s ok that this is hard.
You aren’t there yet, but you’re on the way.
You are… capable, doing your best, striving everyday, learning, growing, changing, overcoming
It isn’t easy, but it can be helpful.
So next time you find yourself spiraling into the abyss of negative self talk try to take a moment and to tell yourself
“Don’t talk to my friend like that.”
