Sadness can be like a yellow traffic light letting us know that we need to slow down or stop. Just like a new driver learning the rules of the road, we need to spend some time understanding sadness so it can be a useful tool instead of a confusing signal. If we understand how sadness works we can work through it and with it to live the life we want to live even when things inevitably do not go our way.
Understanding Sadness
We feel sadness when we experience a loss, perceive an unmet need, or when our expectations are not met in some way. There are some physical sensations that typically come along with sadness. A sense of heaviness, feeling tired or fatigued, being tearful, and maybe even tightness in the body. Sadness, unlike depression, is usually tied to a specific set of circumstances or events and will ease off over time even though our thoughts and perceptions might bring it back.
The Purpose of Sadness
As an adaptive emotion, sadness helps us understand ourselves in relation to the world around us. It can be a signal that encourages us to withdraw and reflect or it can push us to seek comfort and support. When we feel sad we can look at the context of the events occurring around us to determine what matters and is important to us. When we see sadness in others it becomes a social cue that enables us to activate empathy and sympathy and provide comfort and support in a time of need.
The Challenges of Feeling Sad
Unfortunately, like other emotions, sadness can get in the way of us living the life we want to live. This happens when unregulated sadness drives us to isolation and rumination, deprives us of motivation, or inhibits our ability to concentrate. Sadness can lead to a host of complex problems if not regulated properly. Isolation can lead to loneliness. Ruminations can fuel anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, and shame. And of course sadness is a critical component of the grieving process and if left unaddressed might increase our risk of becoming lost in grief.
Tools for Regulating Sadness
The skillful regulation of sadness allows us to learn from the signaling function while protecting us or offsetting some of the risks. Here are some tools and tactics you can use to manage and understand sadness when it shows up for you.
- Opposite Action: if sadness is pushing you towards isolation it might be time to reach out and engage with a friend or mentor.
- Check the Facts: Sadness can be amplified by our perception and interpretation of the world around us. When we step back and try to reassess the validity of the facts fueling our sadness it may help to back off the force of the feelings.
- Radical Acceptance: When we accept sadness as a natural and normal response it allows us to face our feelings instead of repressing them or trying to fix a problem.
- Self-Soothing: Core emotion regulation skills like cold exposure, paced breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, exercise… or even a good old fashioned nap… can help create space for engaging with strong emotions including sadness.
Thanks For Reading
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