Not everything matters and you don’t have to care. I have to tell you it feels good to write that, and at the same time I have a sense that reading it might “split the room.” The idea I am digging at here is the pressure we sometimes feel to get involved cognitively or emotionally […]
Not everything matters and you don’t have to care. Read More »
Society and popular culture puts a lot of pressure on us to “be yourself.” There are a lot of presumptions that go into quippy catch phrases like this, not the least of which is that we have the slightest idea of what we want ourselves to be. Thankfully, we have the capability and capacity to
You Are More Than Just “Yourself” Read More »
The past few weeks I’ve been trying out this idea of “doing” more. I’m not talking about adding more to my to-do list, the idea is to take more small deliberate actions to live the life I want to live. Maybe some examples will help me illustrate what I’m talking about. My wife and I
One of the trends I see in my role as a teacher and as a counselor is the harm that can be caused by oversimplification. Typically what I see is that someone will exaggerate their thoughts or emotions by using language that may speed up expression of thoughts and feelings but can also minimize or
The Risk of Oversimplification Read More »
A few years ago I jotted down a note that said “external resources don’t solve internal problems.” This note predates my shift from military counterintelligence and law enforcement work to clinical mental health counseling and teaching. I like to think my education, training and experience has helped me refine this thought a bit. But it
External Resources Don’t Solve Internal Problems Read More »
Seek first to understand. This is one of my favorite concepts because it implies gaining clarity by taking action. The first thing that comes to mind when I think about the concept of “seeking” is a RADAR system that used to cause me a lot of headaches when I was a young Airman. As a
Seek first to understand Read More »
Each moment is a choice to live the life we want to live. We can’t change our choices in the past, but we can make a choice that helps us right now. It is a trap to wallow in our despair about past choices when we can step out of the mud and the muck
Wallowing in the past is not the answer Read More »
The language we choose to describe the world to ourselves and others can be a powerful force in our lives. Our word choices can exaggerate risks and our fears. They can confuse or misdirect our emotions. They can also invoke clarity and understanding. If chosen with intent and purpose they can be a useful tool
Not starting is self selecting failure. A common perspective in the military is to have a “bias for action.” The cautious, security seeking portion of our mind will tell us “No just wait we need to know more before we begin.” That might be a trap and I would encourage you to challenge that hesitation.
Stop Self Selecting Failure Read More »
Want to be more content? Start by challenging the assumption that you should be ceaselessly pursuing pleasure and constantly avoiding pain. It might even be worth taking a look at the habits you have developed in seeking pleasures and avoiding challenges. Those habits might just be an indication that you are caught in the “this
Don’t Avoid Doing Hard Things Read More »
